The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
