weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
