I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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