my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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