y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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