How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
