I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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