We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
