well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
