i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
