I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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