i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do vagina's smell?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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