like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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