I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
