Sry I called you an 8
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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