oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
