he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
