Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
