Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
