omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
