he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
