i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
