you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my being single is dangerous.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
