that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
