When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Your penis caused this!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
