Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
