Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
