god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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