i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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