i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
