I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
mondays should just be called national damage control day
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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