I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
