I think my vagina is haunted
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
