i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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