my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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