I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
