oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
