Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
