My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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