i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
