i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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