He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
