Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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