whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
