My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
