I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
