Your face is a jimmy john
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hippo gnu deer
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
