need another drink. this is the easiest way
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
