brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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