I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
