Don't you send me to vm
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just pee around me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
