Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
