A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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