Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he fucked my hip out of place.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
