broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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