His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
