every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
