Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
